how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
