i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
