i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
