Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
