I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
