he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
