Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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