New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
