I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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