just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
