Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
