oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
