I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
