So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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