I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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