Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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