Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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