you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
