im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
