it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
