Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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