he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
