No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
