there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Every concussion has its silver lining
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
