it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
