I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
