Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
