Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
