How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
