okay pat passed out under dana's car
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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