Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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