Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
