i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
