Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
