Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
