I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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