I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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