Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
