I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
