Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
