Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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