Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
