You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
