I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
