my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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