Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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