Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
