I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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