My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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