I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
